messnet | UN: Peacemaker

[All right, that's, well. He's just trying to share his knowledge. Doesn't everyone on the internet read their sources?]

Well, yes and no- it depends on what's in the smoothie. Peaches themselves are fine, but your sweet boy Adrian shouldn't have too many processed sugars- and since he's smaller than a person, 'too much' is much less than it would be for you or I. Also, dogs shouldn't have dairy products; they don't have the enzymes to digest them, and it could make him sick.

While we're on the subject, here's a list of things Adrian (and other dogs) shouldn't eat:
- Chocolate
- Avacados
- Onions and Garlic
- Grapes/Raisins
- Macadamia nuts
- Caffiene
These have chemicals that can be TOXIC to dogs, so never have let them have even a little bit!

~~Source: Oh bugger it~~

( Well, he got one thing right: )

Isn't he the sweetest boy? He would hurt SO many people. It's fuckin' awesome.

( Okay, he'd stopped reading for that.
Steven gets a glorious shot up Chris nose as he holds the phone closer to read the rest of the list. )

...

Raisins? Raisins are deadly?

Oh yes; he's beautiful! I don't think I recognize the breed; is he some sort of husky mix?

I, erm. Don't know about the hurting people bit! He looks very friendly!

Oh yes; we don't actually know what it is in grapes that is toxic, but they can cause kidney damage and even failure. Even one grape can make them sick; and the same holds true for their dried counterpart.

( Oh, God. Oh, God. He didn't know that. He didn't know that.

Here he was insisting that his best buddy in the whole wide world [until he turns human again and Chris goes back to hating his guts], eat an entire box of raisins to curb the hunger pangs. Had Adrian actually listened... )

If you'll excuse me.

( The line goes dead. )

( Without much warning, Chris collapses down onto Adrian, wraps his arms around his fluffy neck, and chooses now to try out some of the eye exercises he seems so fond of. )

God, buddy, I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. Fuck!

( How could he be so stupid? So negligent? So clueless? This isn't how peace gets made, by murdering a poor, innocent dog. See, it's reasons like these that everybody hates him. It's why his dad would never let him have a dog. He isn't good enough for one, he isn't responsible enough for one. Adrian would be in the right if he scratched him right in the face. It's what he deserves for being such a terrible dog owner.

He pulls away his soggy, tear-laden face and just looks at Adrian, as if waiting for the scratch that probably won't come. )

[Oh boy, these are some really intense face exercises, but don't worry buddy, he'll spot you!]

[Or just, uh, get sweated on a lot?]

[Wait, hold on, that's not sweat, that's the other thing. The Bad thing.]

[No! Absolutely not! Not allowed!]

[Chris better prepare for his face to get even more soggy than it already is because Adrian is going to do his damnedest to lick The Sad away. Slobber is a way better thing to have on your face than tears, that's a fact, ~~the internet said so.~~]

( Chris wouldn't let himself openly sob any other time, but he's just sobbing with his dog, so it's cool. He's sobbed around Eagly, and Eagly is the best, most understanding pet in the world. Adrian has to come at least close to that if he's willing to lick away Chris's face sweat, a by-product of these intense exercises. )

Oh, buddy... Oh, man. How could I ever have killed you?

( Slobber isn't nearly as gross as it could be, but he's still going to wipe his face clean the moment he can. He brings both hands up to scritch behind Adrian's ears, and sobs a little more because he feels like a terrible, terrible person. )

[Adrian does not have the capacity for speech right now, and he's not sure how else to assure Chris that being killed by him would be an honor and a privilege, but he hopes some good old fashioned nuzzling will get the point across.]

[He tucks his head right under Chris's chin and keeps it there, tail gently thumping as though to say don't worry buddy, you can kill me anytime!]

( And about five minutes later, with his eyes still red-rimmed and wet: )

Husky? Psh, no. Clearly he's a werewolf!

Sorry, a werewhat?

Werewolf? Wolf of were? By day one way, by night another.

You haven't seen Lost Boys??

fhfggggvvb

[Guess what Steven? touch screens react to dog noses!]

[Okay, now he has turn on his own video; even if dogs don't necessarily see or understand what's happening on screens.]

Hello, Adrian! Are you being a good boy for your daddy? Not digging through the trash or chewing on his books?

[Blimey, Steven wishes he could have a dog. Or a cat, really; he likes cats a bit better, he thinks. But he can't even keep a fish alive, so that's right out.]

I'd reach through the screen and give you a good big scritch if I could!

[Yes! Hello! Things are happening!]

[Adrian absolutely has no idea how to work Chris' unattended cellphone, but he's got a solid enough understanding of cause and effect to know that if you do things, it results in other things.]

[At first, the only thing Steven will be able to see is a close up of Adrian's nose as he sniffs and prods the screen. After a few seconds he pulls back, revealing a dopey doggy smile and a pair of bright green eyes.]

[If he listens close, Steven will be able to hear the sound of Adrian's tail thumping against the floor as he examines the phone screen with acute interest.]

[Hello tiny stranger! What are you doing in his house?]

UN: Peacemaker

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