Chris Smith (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
suspectratio) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
messnet2022-04-15 03:20 pm
suspectratio) wrote in messnet2022-04-15 03:20 pmUN: Peacemaker
Hey. What the fuck do wolves eat?
suspectratio) wrote in messnet2022-04-15 03:20 pm
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Honestly... No, it's not just you, though. Yeah, you've taken it farther faster than almost anybody else I've ever met which would be impressive if not for. You know.
[ If not for Chris being a top tier jackass with it. ]
Still. Somehow I doubt that arson is the answer to all my issues. [ A sigh. ] Violence just means more problems, Chris. It's never a real solution until everything else is out the window, even then you're still going to be stuck cleaning up afterwards.
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( Chris is trying to work on being less violent, to unlearn the things his father taught him about the ways in which the world works. Clearly he's not doing a very good job at it. )
...All right, so we're fucking, badass paladins.
Where are we at? Are we in a castle or what?
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No, I think for starting out... We're going to be in the town of Neverwinter, picking up a job from the Adventurers' Guild. A dwarf named Gundren Rockseeker needs caravan guards to oversee the delivery of goods to the mining town of Phandalin, where he and his brothers are embarking on an excavation. It's a couple of wagons with oxen, shouldn't take more than three days to travel.
Do you accept the job?
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Yeah... Yeah, okay. I get it. So, I'm buff as shit from carrying around hit heavy-ass paladin broadsword. Obviously. And I don't give a shit about peace. 'Cause I'm an EVIL paladin. So I'm grab this fuckin' shrimp, lift him up in the air, and I say... Hey, Gunhead Rockhard. What's in it for me?—
Wait, are you the midget? 'Cause that changes things. If you're the midget, I'll only lift him a little bit off the ground. Not a whole lot.
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I'm the dwarf in that I'm pulling double duty as narrator and player here, because you can't do a campaign with only one character. But my character is the half-elf in wizard robes next to you that's going to slowly push your arms down to lower Gundren down the rest of the way.
Said wizard is going to remind you that what's in it for us is money. Because he's hiring us, he will give us fifty gold pieces to split once we deliver the supplies where they need to go. That's our motivation.
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I'm still holding this dude 'til you answer me. He's not getting heavy or anything, though.
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...See, this is also where I would have you roll for intimidation, but we kind of skipped the whole stats part of this so I can let it slide.
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I'll roll for that. Hold on.
( Chris is gone a ridiculous amount of time, like there's two minutes of solid silence, and then Chris is back, accompanied by the sounds of a lighter and a deep inhale. )
...I think this roll is working out.
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[ Okay. He can take a minute to wait. Or more than a minute.
Where the hell is this guy and what is he doing?? ...Oh, please don't be looking at porn on the phone you're calling on, that would be so weird.
Wait, is that— Yes, there he is and that is d- Ah. ]
Not the kind of roll I was talking about. Like, not at all. Not knocking you for it but just saying.
And the money isn't the point, man, the job is just to start you off and then you discover other stuff on the way that leads to even greater items and loot and fame and fortune and all that.
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( There's a pause here like Chris might actually be offering the joint out to the phone. )
So, this might come as a surprise to you, but I'm kind of a hero in real life. So I think I'm gonna be the total opposite and be a villain in this game. Which means... yeah, I'll take him up on this job. Just so I can backstab him at the last second and turn on my team because I've got another secret mission going on. For evil.
Let's get going.
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[ Yeah, he can tell where the dump stat is for Chris. The man is not very wisdomous. ]
Are you now. [ However, can't tell if Chris is legit about the hero thing or not, though he wonders if maybe he's just...one of those weird guys who just picked up a mask after New York and decided to go nuts now that the top was blown off the weird-box. Who knows. Whatever, not his monkey nor his circus. ] But this is solid backstory idea, they have a few mechanics to flesh that out.
[ A beat. ]
...You know, if you want to do this properly, I can. If you have another person to play with? I can run this for you guys. Online, obviously, but. It's better with two or three people playing and the DM just handling story stuff.
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You can just come over here and smoke with me.
( Wow, does this guy think he's stupid or something? He knows that phones aren't teleportation devices. Unless things really, really changed during his time in jail, the only thing that phones are capable of teleporting is sound. Which is a shame, really. Teleporting physical objects should be just as easy. )
I've got plenty of people. Like, a fuckload of friends.
Just come to Evergreen for a night. We'll make it a nerd-themed party.
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Where are you?
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[ But not Tibet, either, so it's not... Unfeasible. He doesn't know if he wants to commit that much information, or commit that much to a future meet that may not happen. ]
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Temporarily.
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[ There's a definite smile in that huh but okay. ]
Well, no guarantees but that online meetup is still on table.
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Once Adrian is done being a fucking wolf, I know he'll be on board. We got a whole team of people who'll play.
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[ EXCUSE??? ]
You didn't mention any of this when I was talking about the exotic animal smuggling!
[ ...That may be a more revealing thing to be annoyed about than, uh. Just being surprised at a werewolf in general. Ope. ]
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