UN: Peacemaker

[suspectratio]

Hey. What the fuck do wolves eat?

Comments

[suspectratio]

Me too, man.

You know, if we got burgers, I totally wouldn't drop condiments in your hair. Because I know you aren't into that sorta thing.

[hulk]

All right, yeah, I walked right into that one.

[suspectratio]

Just kidding, man.
Your hair is safe with me.

[hulk]

Yeah, I'm keeping a hat on at all times regardless for this hypothetical meeting.

[suspectratio]

I still don't even know where the fuck you are, man. You can leave the hat off.

You wanna do a video food thing?

[hulk]

A what thing?

[suspectratio]

A thing where we sit down and eat food.
While talking.
On video.






Together.

[hulk]

I can't.

[hulk]

[ Shit. SHIT, why is he feeling bad about this. Dammit, dammit, dammit— ]

I have a flip phone. No real camera - not for video, anyway.

But minus that, I guess. Okay?

[suspectratio]

How do you watch your porn???

[hulk]

You watch porn on your phone???

[suspectratio]

You watch it on your TV?

[hulk]

I don't watch it at all but

I don't know, on your phone just seems
I mean, you take that everywhere and you'd think you'd want some. Privacy instead on a computer or something. I don't know??

[suspectratio]

Look, man. The government already knows everything there is to know about me. Waller made sure of that.

If they want to know that I get off to two chicks giving it up in an ice cream truck, chocolate syrup all over their titties, that’s on them.

[hulk]

Yeah, I'm

If the government wants to track me down, they're still going to have to work for it.

[hulk]

[ .....oh, that may have been too much information.

uh.

can he unsend a text??? maybe ]

[hulk]

[ Read ✓ 03:06PM

DAMMIT. ]

[hulk]

[ Okay, time to play this off. Shit. ]

I mean. Big Brother, am I right?

[suspectratio]

So you're hiding? Is that it?

[hulk]

To be fair, if I were looking to hide. Would I be answering random questions on the internet? You'd think I'd just be in a hut in Tibet or something. I don't think they have 4G out there.

[suspectratio]

Could be that you're really bad at hiding.

Go to a library. They've got computers with cameras there.

[hulk]

Maybe I'm just old school who doesn't believe in government overreach into the private sector.

I'm sorry, are you suggesting I eat in a library?? That's practically the second biggest rule, otherwise people get cheeto dust and grease on everything. C'mon.

[suspectratio]

You sound like my father.

All right, Goody-Two-Shoes. What's the other option for hanging out when you're like a million miles away?

[hulk]

Librarians work hard, okay, they don't deserve more trouble than they already get.

We could do the eating just. You know. Minus the video part. Just a regular call.

[suspectratio]

But I want to see you.