UN: Peacemaker

[suspectratio]

Hey. What the fuck do wolves eat?

Comments

[hulk]

You watch porn on your phone???

[suspectratio]

You watch it on your TV?

[hulk]

I don't watch it at all but

I don't know, on your phone just seems
I mean, you take that everywhere and you'd think you'd want some. Privacy instead on a computer or something. I don't know??

[suspectratio]

Look, man. The government already knows everything there is to know about me. Waller made sure of that.

If they want to know that I get off to two chicks giving it up in an ice cream truck, chocolate syrup all over their titties, that’s on them.

[hulk]

Yeah, I'm

If the government wants to track me down, they're still going to have to work for it.

[hulk]

[ .....oh, that may have been too much information.

uh.

can he unsend a text??? maybe ]

[hulk]

[ Read ✓ 03:06PM

DAMMIT. ]

[hulk]

[ Okay, time to play this off. Shit. ]

I mean. Big Brother, am I right?

[suspectratio]

So you're hiding? Is that it?

[hulk]

To be fair, if I were looking to hide. Would I be answering random questions on the internet? You'd think I'd just be in a hut in Tibet or something. I don't think they have 4G out there.

[suspectratio]

Could be that you're really bad at hiding.

Go to a library. They've got computers with cameras there.

[hulk]

Maybe I'm just old school who doesn't believe in government overreach into the private sector.

I'm sorry, are you suggesting I eat in a library?? That's practically the second biggest rule, otherwise people get cheeto dust and grease on everything. C'mon.

[suspectratio]

You sound like my father.

All right, Goody-Two-Shoes. What's the other option for hanging out when you're like a million miles away?

[hulk]

Librarians work hard, okay, they don't deserve more trouble than they already get.

We could do the eating just. You know. Minus the video part. Just a regular call.

[suspectratio]

But I want to see you.

[hulk]

Trust me, you're not missing out on much.




But how about we see about working up to that. Baby steps. Pretty suree that's what you're supposed to do with meeting people from the internet anyway.

[suspectratio]

So you’re ugly.

It’s cool. I have another ugly friend. You two might get along. Want me to set it up?

[hulk]

...It doesn't really sound like this other guy's your friend.

[suspectratio]

( He doesn't respond for a while. Naturally, he hates Adrian's guts and considers the guy to be the bane of his existence. Equally as naturally, Chris wouldn't be where he is today if it weren't for Adrian; he owes him his life in more ways than one.

But Chris doesn't know what to do with friends. All he knows is how to do is push them away.

He doesn't want to be that person anymore. )

What's your phone number?

[hulk]

[ That's definitely a subject change, and not at all a good one. Bruce should know, he's done a ton of very obvious and painful not-segues and wow, this is worse.

But eventually he does send off a (triple-layer proxy virtual) phone number for Chris with a ding. ]

Fair warning, sometimes it takes a minute for the thing to go through.

[ Again. Triple proxy signal bouncing around. ]

[suspectratio]

( Ring, ring, motherfucker. )

[hulk]

[ Bruce lets it ring a few times to at least pretend that he is somewhere outside the country (see, he's very good at hiding, okay, take that) before flipping the phone open with a sigh. ]

If this is who I think it is, [ not that it could be anybody else because he hasn't given out this number ] then I'm guessing that burger cooked pretty quick.

[suspectratio]

He's my best friend.

( Hello, how are you? This needed to be stated before anything else. )

[hulk]

[ ...Oh. Oh, we're into this immediately. ]

I can't really say I'm an expert on friends or anything, but. Pretty sure that when you like a person and like spending time with them? You don't call them ugly.

[suspectratio]

You think I should call him pretty instead? Isn't that fucking weird?

( It's weird if Adrian is a human, which he's not. It's totally normal to be Chris's Favorite Pretty Boy right now, though. Yes, it is. Yes, it is! )