UN: Peacemaker

[suspectratio]

Hey. What the fuck do wolves eat?

Comments

[suspectratio]

That's why I'm asking, chucklefuck.

[hulk]

Completely skipping over the "wild animal aren't pets" part, what with needing specialized care and more space than any regular house can provide.

[suspectratio]

So, what, I'm supposed to send him to a zoo? Where he gets fucking picked on by all the bigger and better wolves for not being top of the pack? For being scrawny? And ugly? And near-sighted as fuck without his little wolf glasses? Out there walking with a little wolf limp because he's missing one of his little wolf toes???

THEY'LL FUCKING EAT HIM, YOU HEARTLESS, KNOB-DICKED BASTARD!!!

[hulk]

[hulk]

Okay, first of all... It's a zoo. Not high school. Wolves don't act like mean girl cheerleaders and jocks. That's a strictly human problem.

Second of all, you seem to be projecting a whole lot here. You should maybe talk to somebody about that after handing the wolf over to the appropriate local wildlife services.

[suspectratio]

(...)

You're sure?

[hulk]

About you projecting or the wolf being okay?

I mean, the answer is yes regardless but I want to be sure what you mean.

[suspectratio]

The wolf, jackass. I need to know that that the wolf will be okay.

[hulk]

Oh.

Yeah, the wolf will be okay. Honestly a lot of the whole pack ranking stuff has been debunked, it's a lot calmer than what you're probably imagining.

[ He almost said "than what you've probably read", but. Yeah. Thought better of that. ]

[suspectratio]

Alpha, Beta, Omega, Sigma, bitch-ass Delta... you think it isn't real? Like you're clearly not being a Sigma Male on main right now?

[hulk]

[ No, he's a Gamma which you've conveniently missed out on. Thank god. ]

Sigma is the eighteenth letter out of twenty-four total. If you wanted to insult somebody based on this outdated science, omega is the actual last.

But yeah, it's not real. The guy who came up with that theory based it on a bunch of unrelated wolves shoved together in too small a zoo enclosure that didn't have proper enrichment and had too many weird smells. So it was less about how wolves actually are in the wild and more about how wolves are when they're stressed out beyond reason due to external interference.

[suspectratio]

Omega bros are respectable. I'd fuck an omega.

Wouldn't fuck a sigma male.

( ... )

Wait, really?

[hulk]

Okay, I accept Sigma.

[hulk]

And yes. Really really.

Wild wolf packs are usually just families. Larger ones will have multiple breeding pairs but it's not a weird wild dictatorship out there. Like I said, that's a human problem.

[suspectratio]

I know what you're gonna ask.

And, yes. Yes, I will make an exception for you.

Good to know everything I know about the world is a fucking lie. What's next, Pizzagate didn't really happen?

[hulk]

That is absolutely not what I was going to ask, no exceptions required, thank you. No. I'm good. More than. Thanks.

Pizzagate??

[suspectratio]

Sure, dude. No worries. I appreciate your consideration. You’re welcome.

Pizzagate? In DC? With the trafficking ring in the basement?

[hulk]

Consideration? No. What? No.

I've kind of been busy with some stuff. In and out of the country. A trafficking ring??

[suspectratio]

Yeah, but you considered it before you turned me down, and that counts for something.

It was a huge thing. The Clintons were involved. The Obamas were involved. I think GameStop was in the mix.

[hulk]

You may be mistaking consideration for sheer shock. I don't do any of that kind of thing to count.

Want to know what. I think I'm going to take my own advice and Google it.

[suspectratio]

You don't like sex? You're asexual?

Yeah, it's fucking wild. Check it out. I've got some videos too. Crazy shit. Hard to find peace in a world like this.

[hulk]

I cannot believe I'm having this conversation but. No, I just choose not to.

...Yikes. This planet really is getting all kinds of something. [ Up to and including him. Oh. There goes off that unfortunate thought train to crash and burn. ]

[suspectratio]

You don't miss it?

[murdersavant]

[oh boy it sure is a good thing Adrian can't read right now!]

[hulk]

[ adrian PLEASE get better taste ]