UN: Peacemaker

[suspectratio]

Hey. What the fuck do wolves eat?

Comments

[hulk]

Somehow I doubt that if you're okay getting condiments in their hair and thinking she'd be all right with that. Kind of speaks to a level of disrespect far as I can see.

Potato, potato but if it makes you feel better than go ahead.

[suspectratio]

You want me to spill pickles and sauerkraut in a dude’s hair instead? I’m cool with that, too.

[hulk]

...I'm sorry, what.

Wait.

Y
Okay. Was not expecting
Huh.

[suspectratio]

You don’t believe me? I’ll show you if you want.

[hulk]

Show??
Th

No. I'm going to call a preemptive and definitive no to that.

Just was surprised since I would think most bi people aren't so ardently
uh

[ Don't say gross. Don't say it. Find another word.




Shit, he can't think of another word. ]

[suspectratio]

Putting all queers in the same category?

Now who’s the sexist, narrow-minded, homophobic asshole?

[hulk]

Excuse me?? I don't think it's homophobic to hope that most queer people wouldn't be total assholes or abusers of condiments.

[suspectratio]

Bro, I’m just trying to feed my wolf.

[hulk]

So you are engaging in exotic animal trafficking.

Great. This is just better and better.

[suspectratio]

What are you, a narc??

[hulk]

No, just somebody who knows wild animals aren't pets for people who don't even know how to feed them properly.

[suspectratio]

That's why I'm asking, chucklefuck.

[hulk]

Completely skipping over the "wild animal aren't pets" part, what with needing specialized care and more space than any regular house can provide.

[suspectratio]

So, what, I'm supposed to send him to a zoo? Where he gets fucking picked on by all the bigger and better wolves for not being top of the pack? For being scrawny? And ugly? And near-sighted as fuck without his little wolf glasses? Out there walking with a little wolf limp because he's missing one of his little wolf toes???

THEY'LL FUCKING EAT HIM, YOU HEARTLESS, KNOB-DICKED BASTARD!!!

[hulk]

[hulk]

Okay, first of all... It's a zoo. Not high school. Wolves don't act like mean girl cheerleaders and jocks. That's a strictly human problem.

Second of all, you seem to be projecting a whole lot here. You should maybe talk to somebody about that after handing the wolf over to the appropriate local wildlife services.

[suspectratio]

(...)

You're sure?

[hulk]

About you projecting or the wolf being okay?

I mean, the answer is yes regardless but I want to be sure what you mean.

[suspectratio]

The wolf, jackass. I need to know that that the wolf will be okay.

[hulk]

Oh.

Yeah, the wolf will be okay. Honestly a lot of the whole pack ranking stuff has been debunked, it's a lot calmer than what you're probably imagining.

[ He almost said "than what you've probably read", but. Yeah. Thought better of that. ]

[suspectratio]

Alpha, Beta, Omega, Sigma, bitch-ass Delta... you think it isn't real? Like you're clearly not being a Sigma Male on main right now?

[hulk]

[ No, he's a Gamma which you've conveniently missed out on. Thank god. ]

Sigma is the eighteenth letter out of twenty-four total. If you wanted to insult somebody based on this outdated science, omega is the actual last.

But yeah, it's not real. The guy who came up with that theory based it on a bunch of unrelated wolves shoved together in too small a zoo enclosure that didn't have proper enrichment and had too many weird smells. So it was less about how wolves actually are in the wild and more about how wolves are when they're stressed out beyond reason due to external interference.

[suspectratio]

Omega bros are respectable. I'd fuck an omega.

Wouldn't fuck a sigma male.

( ... )

Wait, really?

[hulk]

Okay, I accept Sigma.

[hulk]

And yes. Really really.

Wild wolf packs are usually just families. Larger ones will have multiple breeding pairs but it's not a weird wild dictatorship out there. Like I said, that's a human problem.